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This week, I turned 50 years old! I only feel like I should be about 30 (well, that was until I fell rollerblading a few months ago)! God has blessed me with a half a century of life and many dear family and friends to enjoy it with-both the life and the day!
My husband, our kids, and our church ministry assistant worked together to plan a special surprise celebration. Honestly, I would have been more surprised if they hadn’t planned something. No one really gave it away, but I knew they would want to make the day special.
I walked into our church’s Family Life Center to beautiful gold and white decorations and a room of family, church family, and homeschool friends, not to mention chocolate cake with raspberry filling, two kinds of punch, and finger foods.
My mom and daughter displayed photos from long ago and from recent days, prompting exclaimations of how much Elly (7) looks like me (which we get often anyway). We had balloons and a light-up giant number 50!
I am so thankful for those who planned, helped prepare, and showed up, as well as for the many, many more who sent messages on Facebook.
Fifty.
Where would I have thought I would be by this time? What have I accomplished? Am I satisfied with how I’ve lived for 50 years?
Sometimes, I’m not really sure. Fifty leads me to wonder and reflect, to ask hard questions, to dream still, and yes, to regret.
Fifty years as a person, a child, a sister, forty-three years as a child of God, twenty-eight years as a wife, twenty-five years as a youth minister, twenty-four years as a mother/homeschool teacher, twenty-one years as a pastor’s wife, twelve years as a blogger/online business owner, one and a half years as a ministry assistant.
Have my 50 years made an eternal impact?
I hope so, but sometimes I wonder.
All I know is that anything good that may have happened is not because of me. I’ve messed up, missed too many opportunities, been lazy and selfish, neglected being intentional, done wrong with good intentions, sinned intentionally, believed Satan’s lies, failed to notice needs, lost my temper, been motivated by pride, and on and on.
But God is good and gracious and merciful and can redeem ANYTHING. Do I wish I had done better? Yes.
But “why would I make a bed in my shame when a fountain of grace is running my way?” (“Made for More” by Josh Baldwin)
Dwelling on the past is not helpful, but I certainly want to learn from my mistakes, don’t you? How can I “make the most of every opportunity” or “redeem the time” in these short days?
I’m still praying about what changes God wants me to make this year. My life is more than half over.
What I have now is today. And God’s grace today is enough for today. He’ll provide more grace tomorrow when I need it, and the next day, and next year until He calls me home and finishes conforming me into the likeness of Jesus.
I’m not nearly done yet! I am still in the race.
Father, remove the sin and weights that will hinder me from being who you created me to be and do what you created me to do!
I’m not nearly done yet! I’ll keep running. Some days I’ll run wide open, some days I’ll just stumble along. Some days I’ll fall or fall apart, but I won’t give up.
The hand of my Savior will lift me up as I press on toward the prize of the high calling in Christ Jesus.
My race is not over. Neither is yours, dear child of God. If you are breathing, He is still working.
Let’s run with endurance together. Remember, as you run, look to Jesus, who, for the joy set before him, endured the cross. (Hebrews 12:1-2)
