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So many days I feel like the worst mother ever. My children complain about how unfairly they are being treated. I lose my temper and yell. The house is a disaster. We barely seem to survive the day. I get the feeling that they, too, think I am the worst mother ever.
Then I find little sticky notes. Love notes with misspelled words, special drawings, and precious messages, such as these:
A couple weeks ago Maya left me a card and three notes around my room. Tonight I found a hot pink sticky note on my computer, iPad, door, water cup, and mirror. She is my loving girl who, at nine years old, still gives kisses and cuddles. My heart melts. Her freckle-faced smile is adorable. Maya gives her love generously.
Last week an “I love you” reminder popped up on my iPhone, IMac, & iPad (yes, we are almost entirely a MAC family now and everything syncs nicely). At first I thought it was from my husband, who does send encouraging notes from time to time. When another note popped up the next day, I opened the Reminders App and found this.
“Have you had any Reminders on your iPad?” My twelve year-old Zoe asked me with a smile. Though sweet and loving, she is TWELVE and vividly displays all of the personalities described by Abi in The Multiple Personalities of a Tween Girl. Our days have been particularly emotional lately, and seeing those words of love pop up are especially meaningful from Zoe. In one of her notes I heard the echo of my own words when on rough days I remind her, “I will always love you, no matter what.”
I marveled and thought, “Wow, does she really think I’m a good mom after all of the fighting lately?” She must love me through those days just as I do her.
Those little notes are such humbling reminders that despite all of my failures, God knew what He was doing when He chose me to be the mother of my five precious gifts (even when I am tempted to doubt His wisdom).
I left sticky love notes on my girls’ pillows in reply, and will try harder to encourage and affirm my love for all of my children, especially on those hard days because I want them to remember, and never, ever question how much I love them.
We love, because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19